Peeling back the layers to reveal the real me. What will emerge? A beautiful flower? Am I delicate? Will I be able to withstand the harsh environment that will surely come from time to time? Will I be strong enough? Is the world ready for me – am I ready for the world?
I long for a more meaningful life – what will people say about me when I leave this earth? Have I loved deeply enough to leave a mark? If I do not emerge from the shadows, I fear there will be no mark? What do I want people to remember if they think about me? What do I want people to remember when they think about me? I feel so deeply about many things but it all lives within me – I protect it, I do not share it.
I have been sitting on the side lines of my life waiting for the right moment to emerge – the moment when the world is in order and people are kind and I feel I can be accepted for who I am.
I want this time to be now – as I sit here looking down the road of my life with many more miles behind me than in front of me the time needs to be now. I want the world to see what a beautiful flower I can be. I want them to feel my passion for humanity. I want people to feel me and I want to leave an impression with the people I encounter. I want to leave this earth a better place for having been here.
This past week I have been thinking about all the people who have been in and out of my life – some good some bad. Family members who have passed that left me with fond memories – boyfriends I have had along the way – employers who have mentored me – friendships I have had. All of these people involved in the shaping of me – it’s been a time of life reflection to what avail I don’t know perhaps thinking about these people I will bring back some memories of my past.