My last Chapter

As I approach my 56th birthday I find myself reflecting on the road behind me and anticipating the road in front of me. While the one behind is much longer I am hopeful the one in front will be the most meaningful and well spent. Youth is wasted on the young – if only I knew then what I know now I may have done things a little different but then again maybe not who can really say for sure as there are no do overs. What I do know is that I do not want to die with my music still in me. This is a phrase I heard in one of my books that resonated with me. Don’t die with your music still in you – what does this mean? I take it to mean follow your dreams, do not be afraid to take chances and achieve the things you want and desire.

I have given some thought to the things I want for my last chapter among them are things such as contentment, physical well being, peace, live a more balanced life and to let go of all resentments and strengthen my relationships.

Contentment – the state of being happy and satisfied. Contentment is not an excited kind of happy, it’s more like a peaceful ease of mind. It is being satisfied with what you have, whatever that is. Yes, contentment is something I want to feel in my last chapter. I would say I am about halfway there – while I do not really feel discontented – I still find myself longing for “things” that I may or may not ever have – so it is being ok with things as they are now and if more or better comes along wonderful – if not I am ok with that too.

Physical well being is the ability to maintain a healthy quality of life that allows us to get the most out of our daily activities without undue fatigue or physical stress. This is the definition I found when I googled physical well being – self explanatory I would say. Naturally, we all want this, and we know health is something money can’t buy, and we really have nothing without it.

Peace – the feeling of calm and tranquil, free from disturbance. I currently do not have a lot of disturbance in my life, but I can fall victim to the daily hustle and bustle and being too busy – too busy to slow down and appreciate life. I would like to be more mindful of the minutes of all my remaining days and to fill them with happy and hopeful thoughts and feelings of gratitude for all the people and blessings I currently have in my life and for the blessing that have yet to reveal themselves.

Resentments, I would like to be rid of all my feelings of resentment, bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly as the definition says. Resentment thrives on negative feelings and grows more powerful when we are unwilling to forgive and release emotional pain. For me I would like to release any and all of these feelings, while I don’t have a lot of them there are some particular areas and people in my life that I have not completely healed from yet but hope to be able to finally let go and release these feelings as they serve me no purpose and keep me stuck in old negative thinking patterns – I need to forgive and move on and leave the resentment completely out of my connections. As well I would like to strengthen my existing relationships – while my relationships are good, I would like for them to be deeper and stronger particularly with my boys – I want them to know their mother from the heart rather than the multi-tasking over extended working mother. I want them to know my heart and soul and know the things that I love about them and have thought but never articulated. I want them to know how strong and resilient they are and that they can always count on themselves no matter what, and whether here in person or in spirit I will be there to guide them and give them strength whenever they need me.

Finally, I want to find my passion, my music that thing that ignites me or lights me up, sparks a flame inside. I currently do not know what that is but as I continue my journey of self discovery and take the time to learn more about myself, I am confident it will reveal itself. When it does, my music will come out and it will be a beautiful sound.

 

Written By Carmen Moar, Wife, Mother, Financial & HR Controller, Emotional Fitness® Graduate

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